No Lady Left Behind

I went to Knowledge 2018 in Las Vegas. It was my first Knowledge conference and my first time being in Las Vegas; I was ecstatic. I had an amazing time. When I look back on Knowledge 2018, I think of it fondly because I got to make and solidify so many friendships and connections there. But something that comes to mind every so often is one terrifying experience I had there as well. 

My memory is awful, but there’s one thing I remember clearly: During the kick-off party, another woman and I were chased by two men soliciting us against our will. 

And yeah, I'm not kidding, I literally mean they chased us. We told them no, we told them we had partners, and we told them we weren’t interested, but they kept insisting, to the point where we physically removed ourselves from their vicinity. When they began to follow us around, we had to literally run away from them to get away. 

I can’t remember who that other woman was, but I am so lucky that she was with me. She gave me the courage to stand up and not just cower in fright, and I am so glad we got out of there safely. The situation could have been so much worse if we had been alone, and I don’t want to think about that.

There’s just a few people who I have told this to, and I always get one of two responses. The first is incredulous shock about something like that happening at a work event and the second is empathy and shock as they then share their own stories with me. And those responses are most of the time evenly split by gender. (Most of) The men who I tell always act shocked. They insist that nothing like this happens at work events, they insist that there is no way this really happened, and they try to deny it every time. Women instead respond by comforting me, validating my experience, and then sharing their own awful stories. 

I share this today to again say that yes, things like this happen even at work events. No matter how much you think that people act professionally in a professional environment, women aren’t safe. The awful stories that came out of Blizzard Entertainment and the suffering those poor women went through, as well as the countless other stories that any woman will share with another under hushed tones or away from the scrutiny of others, should be enough to convince you about this. 

Every woman has experienced something similar, to varying degrees of severity, but they are all things that should not happen in the first place. The men (and women) who prey upon others should feel ashamed and held accountable, but that will rarely happen because society tends to come down on the women who report things like this. It’s not fun to share these types of stories, it’s not a good look, and I’m honestly terrified about what sharing this right now could do to my career.

But still I come to you, our women readers, with this story to let you know that your experiences and feelings are valid, and if you have gone through something similar, you aren’t alone. Please feel free to vent or share your experiences in the WomenNow slack channel and we’ll be happy to listen and be there for you. Also keep an eye out for any other person (woman or man) that could also be in this situation and lend a helping hand when needed. 

To our male readers, I ask that you reflect and think on your past and present actions. Are you one of the offenders? Or have you worked to present yourself as an Ally and someone any woman can come to for help or for a listening ear? I encourage you to work hard to be someone whom other women feel safe to talk with, but make sure you aren’t pushing this on them either. There’s been plenty of times where coworkers and friends have tried way too hard to get me to rely on them when I didn’t feel comfortable, and that just made me back further and further away. 

I ask everyone to keep your eyes and ears open when you are at Knowledge or at any other conference or public space. If a woman comes up to you and starts talking loudly about how you two were supposed to meet, or how great of a friend you are, and you don’t know this woman at all - just go along with it. It’s likely a woman trying to escape the type of situation my friend and I found ourselves in at Vegas. Work hard to be someone trustworthy that others can come to in times like these. If you are comfortable and close enough with a woman, feel free to let her know you’d be fine if she called you or came up to you for help. 

If you haven’t yet, be sure to join our private women-only channel on the snDevs.com slack, #WomenNow. If you message me (@MGOPW), @paige, or @jyo once you join, we will get you invited.

(I feel the need to state that this is in no way meant to reflect upon ServiceNow or Knowledge as an event. I don't believe that they were negligent in any way or that they somehow created an unsafe environment for people. This predatory behavior is the fault of the people themselves and no one else. If you are interested in learning how to make your events safer or more inclusive, be sure to do some research as there are plenty of articles out there on how to achieve these goals from people way better educated in that than I am.)