On making mistakes as an ally
As a man in the tech industry, I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn from my mistakes. Being an ally means that I have more responsibility than ever before, but also more power to make things better. We're all bound together by our interest in tech, which has so much potential to change the world for good or bad.
Hey, it's me, Earl. Before you continue reading on, I want to re-emphasize from this post on being an ally, that being an ally is a journey and everyone is at different places on that journey. This post is for those that have begun taking steps into wanting to be a better ally.
When we make mistakes as allies to women, it's important to own up to it and apologize and do better.
It's important to own up to it and apologize. You made a mistake, and you need to be honest about that. But the best thing you can do is learn from the experience and try again in the future with a better understanding of how women feel when they're treated this way.
If you're not sure what you did wrong or how it might have impacted others negatively, ask them. Don't assume that because someone isn't speaking up right away that they don't have anything negative to say about your actions or words. If anything, this just proves how much work we have left before true equality between men and women can be achieved and why it's so important for allies who care deeply about social justice issues like feminism are working towards making those changes happen sooner rather than later.
But we aren't owed forgiveness
But we aren't owed forgiveness, it's not womens' job to forgive men when they already have so much more to deal with as a huge minority in tech. Women are the ones who are constantly having to do the work of making things better and dealing with all the consequences of their mistakes, while men get away relatively unscathed. Men need to own up to their mistakes and do better next time--and then maybe we can start talking about forgiveness.
We all make mistakes
I am not a perfect ally. I have said things that have harmed women. I have spoken over women during meetings when I should have been lifting up their voice as crucial. I learn and move forward. Don't be afraid of making a mistake, it happens. Just try not to make the same one twice (or more than twice for that matter). If there's something that comes up again and again in your life as an ally, maybe it's talking about gender pronouns or mansplaining or incorrect presumptions, then maybe it would help for someone else in your life who knows more about this topic than you do (like a friend or family member) to talk with them about why your behavior is incorrect.
TL;DR
We all make mistakes, but if you're trying to be an ally, the best thing you can do is own up to those mistakes, apologize, and do better. We aren't entitled to forgiveness, and it's not needed to keep the journey going.
